The Results Are In.

Friday, October 23, 2009

I finally had my blood test done. THE blood test. The same blood test that was done during my stay in the hospital 10 months ago.. and the results are in.

A little background first... The reason Darbi came early was because of early on-set preeclampsia. Most times, preeclampsia as such an early stage is often an indicator of a different or bigger problem. So the hospital perinatologists tested my blood for Antiphosopholipid Antibody Syndrome (APS). This test is a combination an anticardiolipin antibody test and a lupus anticoagulant test. When the results came back in January, I tested normal for lupus, meaning I did not have that.. which was good! But, I tested slightly positive for the other one. Because my body had a lot of crazy things going on, they thought it would be best to re-test me in April to see if the results would differ. With Darbi still in the hospital in April and then having to adjust having her home with us, I never got around to having the test done until just Wednesday.

Secretly, I'd been putting it off because of what it would mean if I really did have this syndrome.
If I tested positive again for APS, I would be at a much higher risk for blood clots, I would have to take an aspirin a day forever or give myself blood thinning shots multiple times a day, AND have a 70% chance that early on-set preeclampsia would occur again with, likely, not so wonderful results... I guess.

Basically, it would not be in my best interest, health-wise, to bear any more children. EVER. My heart just sinks in to my stomach even typing that... ugh.

If I tested negative, I would still be considered a high-risk pregnancy but I would be able to have more children! And the reason D came early would have been because it seems to be more common in first time pregnancies and I would, most likely, be able to make it to full term next time. Obviously... this was the direction I wanted to go..

So Sunday I decided it was time for me to take the plunge. I needed to have this test done. I wasn't so keen on wanting the test done but Clint and I needed to have an idea of what the repercussions would be if I were to accidentally get pregnant again. Because we're still waiting to get health insurance, I had to pay for the lab fees but it's worth it. It was nice to live in ignorance for a few months but I had to face reality. I had the test done Wednesday morning. I think I was up until 2 AM Tuesday night fretting about having it done. I was completely freaking out. With this test, everything becomes so final. Or so liberating. I was terrified. So I sucked it up and had the test done. I felt really good about it when I left the hospital lab. I didn't really think about the test until last night when I started freaking out again. I called the doctor this morning and he finally got back to me this afternoon.

I have APS. :(

He was so detailed and kind when he was unveiling the news. I have been thinking about this a lot lately so I wasn't too surprised when he told us. He also said that if I had to test positive for one, he'd rather me have this over lupus. But he also clarified what this means for me and my childbearing issues. If we decide that getting pregnant is the way to go someday, I need to meet with them before I get pregnant and we will talk about the issues at hand in greater detail to see if indeed this is the road we want to take. I would have to have blood thinning injections multiple times a day, weekly visits with the hospital's perinatology department, and mostly likely I would deliver very very early. But with a closer eye on me, maybe we could get further along in the pregnancy. However, he did say that I am at a much higher risk for multiple miscarriages, fetal growth problems, and stillborns. UGH.

The doctor called some of his colleagues up at the University hospital who specialize in APS and forwarded my file up to them.. They are putting together a registry of patients who have this syndrome and will give us some "collective wisdom" on the topic. He'll be calling me in a week or so to let me know what they say.

Clint and I have decided that we will just keep doing what we are doing.. playing with Darbi and being a simple family of 3. In a few years, if the Lord and our little babies in heaven give us a little smack in the face, we will try again. Or maybe we'll adopt. We are extremely open to both possibilities and hopefully, in time, we will have a clearer outlook on the future of our family.

We are so blessed and grateful that we were chosen to be Darbi's parents and if she is the only child we have in mortality.. I'm ok with that.

18 Wisecracks:

Karalee said...

Audrey-

I am so sorry. I am glad you were able to have such a wonderful baby girl though.

jenny said...

Audrey, I'm so sorry. That is such a hard thing. I'm glad you have little Darbi and I know the Lord will direct you in the future in what you need to do.

Megan B said...

Oh, Audrey. I'm sending you a big, warm, germy hug. You'll figure it all out in time. Loves to all three of you.

Bree :--) said...

Oh man. SAD. What a hard thing to have to go through. You sound like you have a good attitude about it. Thank goodness for D. She is a doll!!

Alison said...

Audrey... You are showing remarkable strength!!! I'm sure you are wrestling with so many emotions and thoughts... please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sending love your way!!

The Wigginton Family said...

You are amazing Audrey. Thank you for sharing your story with everyone. You are an example of faith, strength and love. We love you and we love that cute little girl (who is getting so big by the way!) Keep being you girl!

Deidre said...

Audrey,

One of those moments that I can't say things in words. I'm grateful that you are putting yourself out there and that you are the Mom of a wonderful Darbi. You have an amazing resolve. Keep having faith.

Love to all three of you,
Deidre

Craig, Blair and Turbo Skousen said...

I'm sorry! Hopefully the docs can gather some good advice for you. My sister in law is now on blood thinners since her pregnancy, and they are playing it by ear too. You will be blessed either way :)

melbhaber said...

I am so so sorry, Audrey. Hugs to you. I hope Darbi brings you lots of love and comfort right now.

Becky Bean said...

Audrey! We were just talking on the phone and I was blabbing on and on about formula and costumes and who knows what else, and not a single mention of this?? I'm so sorry!! What's your favorite kind of cookie? I think something delicious and terribly unhealthy is in order.

I love you, girl. Hang in there. If there's anything you've proven it's that you're strong. We love your family!

Shari Romney Family!! said...

Audrey, Im so sorry about your discouraging news. I know it most be hard for you to hear all the outcomes that could happen. You are a wonderful women with amazing strength and your family has a had one hard year, but remember the Lord is always with you and he knows your heart! Its great to know why you had the high blood pressure and why Darbi had to come so early. I wish the best! Im thinking of you!
~Shari ROmney

Heidi said...

Audrey, even though I don't have APS, it is hard not knowing if you are able to have any more children, but I am sure glad for Darbi, what a blessing and miracle she is for our family. Being a family of 3 isn't so bad.

Esther/Mom/Grandma said...

I am no good at expressing feelings. Bless you for your strength and good nature. I'm sure the Lord loves you very, very much! It is a privilege to know you.

The Hansens said...

Audrey you are one of the most positive people i know in the challenges you are given! i know the lord will help you! ill pray for you!

Janelle said...

Audrey,

I am so sorry to hear the bad news. My mom has the same disorder, and I hope and pray I haven't inherited it. If it is any comfort, my mom had three kids despite the challenges and heartbreak of many miscarriages. I know the Lord will help you through, and I am so happy you were blessed to have Darbi.

I hope you are all doing well. Clark and I miss you two!

Aimee said...

We've suffered with our own infertility issues, so I only sort of know your pain... for us, it makes Connor and all that we've gone through, that much more of a blessing... knowing that so many odds were stacked against us, and look at where we are today.

Whatever will be, will be in regards to your future family life... it all works out just as it was meant to.

Kudos to you for having such a positive outlook! :)

Kayley said...

I know so many people have said sorry, and I guess I just want to add mine to the list. That would be so hard. I don't know how I would handle it. Wow, I am crying now. I love you. I know that you are a great mom and a great person. You will make it through. Darbi is such a miracle!

Kort and Amy said...

Audrey,
This post broke my heart. I can not imagine how you are feeling, but I am so happy that you have been blessed with Darbi.