Ode to my Breast Pump

Monday, June 22, 2009

Dear Ameda 307573,

We've been through a lot together. I'm not gonna lie. I haven't liked it all that much. Sorry. We have grown together though and it seems that you were, at times, literally attached to me. If it makes you feel better, I thought about you constantly. Every 3 hours we would meet, 8 times a day, for months. Luckily, for you, I remembered to call and report about how well we were working together. I left 24 messages throughout our time together so I could keep you.

Do you remember... it was hard at first. You had me discouraged often and there were times when I was ready to part ways earlier than anticipated. But in time, it became easier. We had our special little spot set up by my craft table and we would watch movies and scrapbook and pump.

Do you remember the people I work with who would walk in during our time together? We gave them a good laugh about it. They will always remember the awkward moments you and I gave them. (Sorry Josh!) :)

And do you remember that time I stopped at Arby's after work on my way out to my car? I went in to get a drink before my trip to the hospital and you were so heavy that I had to set you on the counter in front of the newly-hired-16-year-old Arby's employee. I always tried to be discrete but I was just so comfortable with you that I would forget. The sweet boy asked me if you were one of those cool new paper cutting things (ie: a Cricut - oh the ignorance. :) Casually, I told him you were "a breastpump!!". Boy was he embarressed. I'm not going to lie.. I was proud of what you and I had accomplished!

Do you remember the day I managed to pump 33 ounces thanks to you? I called almost everyone in my phonebook to report the news! It was a glorious day!

I hope you know important you have been to me these last 6 months. Tomorrow I have to give you back. Maybe someday we will meet again but hopefully... we won't. No hard feelings.

Thanks for the milk,
Audrey

P.S. If it makes you feel better, Darbi says thanks! :)


9 Wisecracks:

The Robisons said...

poor Josh? You have got to be kidding me. I had to sit through it EVERY DAY!

Audrey said...

LOL!!! AND Amy!! You were a good sport about it though! :)

Becky Bean said...

33 ounces?! Are you KIDDING?? Wow.

Justina Selim said...

Haha, u crack me up! 33 ounces is impressive! :->

Jen Howick said...

that is so funny, Audrey! I wish I could give the same ode to mine but that bad boy only lasted for 6 weeks and then I passed it on... to Steph, actually! Maybe she'll be able to write an ode!

Aimee said...

WOW! 6 months?!? You're a milking machine! My hat's off to you...

Toni said...

Love it! You are so dang funny!! By the way, I posted some more Emmi Chase pics. :) Just for you. She was 8 times the sizeo of Darby. LOL

Megan B said...

"Grown" together. Snicker, snicker...

Oh!! Ha ha! 24 messages to keep her? That's funny.

Did you get your BFF her own combo meal that day at Arby's? I bet that story was circulated around the newbie's dungeons and dragon tournament later that night...

This post is hilarious! Ha ha ha! 33 ounces. I'll always be jealous of that. No milk duds on you, babe.

Broadhead said...

This the funniest thing I have ever read. Thanks for the laugh!